Surat untuk awak.

Dear Awak,

"I was born to love you..with every single beats of my heart"-Freddie Mercury

I always believed that..and I hope someday, yes, someday you can see that. Well, I always love you, kot..definitely with every single beats of my heart. :) Since, from that time when I was still young and naive (eh, I still am-lah..young and naive..ok, maybe not so young and not so naive, but I'm still that girl that would sheepishly giggle and "malu sendiri" whenever I see or even talk to you. OK, even fb-chat with you. :D 

Yes, I want to tell you this. Oh, how I wish you're already married so that I can at least moved on. But, being as stubborn as I can be, I would not budge this feeling until you at least married or whatever. But, if you are married to me, of course the feeling would be cemented in my heart forever. *wink* And, if there are never us, that would heartbreaking (totally!); but, I will be strong enough you don't have to worry about me. 

Last four years, at this date..if you remember, I have asked you a question. You must have felt how crazy this girl are. Well, I am at that time. Crazy over you. :p (OK, still am~) Then, I wait and wait..till I dont know what I'm waiting for. I thought I don't have to ask again, I mean, maybe you're married, have someone special and all..That's the line I won't cross. I won't get in between someone's marriage or relationship, not you..not everyone else. 

This year, my heart begs me to ask; but my head's thinking rationally..huhu. Until now, the head oblige me NOT to ask. Maybe, I won't ask at all. And then, blank! I just got back from hours of finding the perfect Fiyero on youtube. Sorry. I was blank, I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I just wonder why don't you just say no. hmm..eh, you did! But, I did not accept the rejection and bounce back. Ah, I'm blank again..great! I mean, you did say no, but in my heart that does not feel right. It is not like NO-NO, when there seems to be something more in this. Am I a fool to think that you even like me? There, I said it. 

Now, I really don't know what to say. I should stop this now.

Have a great leap day!

- Saya    
    

mimpi yang terbunuh.

sudah..berakhir sudah..

harapanku.. 'tuk memiliki hatimu..

hancur.. semua anganku..

semua hayalanku..

dirimu diriku.. menjadi satu..

taukah kamu..bahwa diriku..

terlanjur jatuh..dalam cintamu..

hingga dirimu..bunuh mimpiku..

sudah..kuberi semua..

segala yang kau minta..

untuk memuaskan maumu..

tapi..kau membalasnya..

begitu kejam..

hingga hancurkan diriku..mimpiku..

apa yang kau cari..

tak cukupkah diriku berarti..

what i want is..

ok, before i proceed...hooray~! bff, komapsumnida~ berjaya jugak akhirnya kamu meninggalkan komen...shukran, danke, thank you..all the thank you's ever spoken in the whole wide world for you..muwahs.

this is supposed to be a crappy slash sad slash emotional post..but i dont feel so crappy slash sad slash emotional anymore (for the time being la..ahaha) camno? tapi...nk jugak citer nie..how how how?

ok jek la..it begin with friday, the day before that was quite forgotten, really..i didnt write anything on my lil black book. huhu..anyway, on friday..got makan2 at office, i've been paid to make my delicious biskut batik..hahaha..iye sedap~ but i was late to punch in (ehem2), only sempat to ask help regarding my dishes..and hurriedly grab my chair and sit through the whole knowledge transfer thingy. eh, but that's not what i want to tell about..haip..okla..before that, hv breakfast with bff. she slept over and finally, get to eat my biskut batik..yeay~!

ye la ye la...bermula malam itulah selepas pulang ke rumah..eh, sebenarnya semenjak di pejabat terngiang-ngiang melodi ini, sehingga merasakan sangat perlu untuk menonton semula filem itu...

"come what may...come what may..i will love youuuu...until my dyinggg day~"

jadi, aku tonton..aku rasa..dan aku terharu..well, i am sappy for love songs..oh, tidak..my crappy slash sad slash emotional feeling has emerged. damn~! argh..takpe la..ewan looks so damn wantable in the movie..dan kak nicole sangat anggun..and confirmed! moulin rouge is my most favourite musicals ever. that's it.

tepat tgh malam, dia balas sms aku yg dh berjam2 lamanya tu semasa aku dah bersiap tidur. main futsal, katanya. (mestikah lelaki2 ini main futsal jumaat malam sabtu ye?) aku balas dan akhirnya tewas. instead of sms-ed bff, i told aab i'm depressed+just need someone to tell, but not to my bff. what's happening to me?

satu saja..ada yang hilang dalam diri..tapi tidak tahu apakah dia? serabutlah ei~

29.02.2008

closure.

i do not believe it, i guess. but at least, i do not deny it.

NO, is what i get. I'm not going to ask for "nape?". Just let that be.

do not be sad, i said, as there are those sadder than me.

so, is this a closure for me? as far as the ego said yesterday..it is.

oh, i dreamt of someone (rather odd but sweet, t'was) last monday. thank you stranger (kinda) for making my day worth smiling/blushing all day. stress is a four letter word.

182

my supposed lucky day. well, i feel luckier already. haha..

will you dance with me tonite? :x 

good day~!

while, im updating this (again!)..i'm crying..not that there's something bad/sad happening..like now..but i cannot help it..this song, jz keep me doing it..crying, i mean *sobsob* me cant sing it properly also..yelah, i cant stop crying what.haha. the lyrics + melody melancholically stabs thru my sensitive heart. :D anyhoo, please read this poem..you, who knows me..shall understand. 

"If you could told me everything

You could have found what love is

If you could have told me what was on your mind

I would have shown you the way

Someday I'm gonna be older than you

I've never thought beyond that time

I've never imagined the pictures of that life

For now I will try to live for you and for me

I will try to live with love, with dreams

and forever with tears"

fyi though..it's not mine..googling about "X-Japan-Tears", the song that always kept me crying. huhu..i found this poem..sources said, there would be times that in the end of this song, the poem is recited by the band. 

built to last.

so, not to make this long long long..i've just got to tell you truth..nothing but the truth. i am in love..ahahaha..i just hope the other person knows it too..which i highly doubt it. haha

this, is my hope towards the ever-to-be-if-it's-ever-gonna-be anything..:x

oh, i'm pretty much high in my selfless mind..ahaks..(tolonglah sedar, minah oi!) i'm so full of myself i cant properly think of the consequences..what i do know is i'm crazy..ahahaha..this must be because of me <-- caffeinated. it does me, sometimes..caffeinated, sugar high..i really did well in that division..ahaha..i can climb this very building of block 3 and sang my heart out..just to let him know what i really felt..do you think he'll hear me~?! *batting eyelashes*

or, it must be the song that i've heard first last yr @MTV, and it has successfully haunt me back this year. and without fail, i'm still loving it~ oh, it must be my sensual mind working it's way. damn~! i bet if i were destined to be dead, right now..my autopsy result would be..love anxiety overwhelmed~! ahahaha..whatever i was rattling, like now~! oh, it MUST be the coffee, definitely. fyi, i've got 4 sacks of coffee bean from starbucks..how do u think i'm gonna finish that huh? coffee freak, that's me..

you are my sun in my universe~!

i'm pretty much adore mike, from melee. he seems err, shy. :)

Alhamdulillah!

Syukran Alhamdulillah for the rezeki given to me. Thank you thank you thank you. It is expected, but not this month..so I have to say I am shocked when the HR man told me congrats, for whatever reason I'm not sure of. and more shocking when PL ask me to see her with another colleague..as I was like, "alaa..ada prob ESS lagi ke? huwaa~!" when I went to see her, congratulations is what I got and I was in total shock and glad as well, as extra money is quite what I seek this few months..haha..tp x dpt pon..:D:D kene usaha lebih lagi nmpaknya.

On other notes, updates for the past few days:
1. On the event of my last updates, actually there was some issue pertaining our house. Well, it was a mess, still is :D my hommie mostly..her room is leaking (we're on 13th floor..upstairs is studio house..so, the top of my hommie's room is like nothing and only roof. got anai2 some more..her bathroom door cannot close. okok..jgn bg info byk sgt..haha..so the story went like this..we ask for one particular foreman to come and have a look..(because of the free checking, according to his iklan..cheapskate la katakan)..then the fella come and bombarded our house like there's no tomorrow..membebel2 tah apa2..he rudely comparing me with the pintu(wtf~!) but me being one lil nice girl just hear whatever he said..believe me..die mmg suka bebel dan sgt mcm kasar perckpannya..okla..to think of it..mcm tk bagus la sgt cara die ckp tu..mcm tkde respek tau..but maybe itu mmg cara die ckp..so i wont judge more..okla, the story nye..my hommie was so pissed off with him. kirenya..malam itu adalah amukan puaka hommie. ok done~!
2. yatoque's coming over..and we were and always be a good host for her..haha..have dinner of mcDs bought by her..and we eat eat eat sambil diskusi hangat mengenai perkara yg terjadi sebentar tadi..tuptup tup dah pukul 12..boleh ke? we're like still hv plans for the nite. haha
3. after, clean ourselves..go to hommie's room and layan movie~! it was so great...memula layan "Enchanted"..it was fun, it was fantasy, it was dreamy..and it was heartwarming..but the princess was so opstimic rasa nk baling2 jek..mcm hello~! does that kind of story exist in the real world? ye lah kan..since i havent found my soulmate..trus rasa mcm tk best...tapiii..the second movie what's make us all dreamy..hahaha..tyler prince is seriously gorgeous~! haha..we've watched "Sydney White"..it was hilarious, funny and make us feel differently of dorks..as in a way, we're all DORKS in our own way..hehehe..so kesimpulannya, janganlah memandang rendah kepada orang lain...sebabnya..semua orang adalah sangattt ISTIMEWA ;) muwahs to all. okla..on the dreamy parts..we all so high of tyler..he is so handsome..dan saya sgt spoil..sbbnya...i did reveal that mr long is married..hahaha..semua org benci aku..wakaka..sorry..~!
4. hari khamis..cuti..bgn lmbat..mama hot datang..bila die dtg br bgn..we have brunch of roti bakar...(it was my current fav as the other day..the smell of roti bakar at level7 sgt memikat hati..and i have 2 slice of it..tak malu nye budak) and lotsa kaya, jem, baked beans with egg (bff masak) and semua lah yg ada dlm fridge tu. haha. oh, mama hot datang nk wat keje..with helps of hommie..i tolong tgk jek. :D pastu lunch+dinner plak kt kedai sup sendeng..sgt kenyang + gemok..pastu beli cakoi yg sgt sdap..haha..best~! mlm tu tido awal konon. :D
5.jumaat keje..huhu..sgt bosan. but i half-day.konon nk pegi mmc, melawat kawan2 but tk jadi sbb aku yg sgt ngantok dn tidoo..haha but berjaya la smpai keje dlm kol 12 dan oh..k.mas dpt kek..birthday nye esoknya. :D makan puas2 dan sgt gemokk..ahaha
6.blk kampung..malamnya..yeayy..bas kol 10..sorry ye..terlmbt..byk keje la..and weekends..tidooo~!
7.sabtu-kemas bilik..adik, belajar elok2, kalo tkde SAP, i shall consider pembelian motor..ahaks..oh ye..sbb tgh tgk amanda bynes..minat plak kt die..then tetibe mlm tu ada plak citer die.."What a girl wants"..layannnnnn~! best! siap tido kol 245am..lmbt kan.. oh ye..kemas bilik mmg sgt penat~! pastu main badminton lagi..pastu main2 ngan anak sedara lagi...mmg sgttt penatt..:p
8.ahad...tido smpai bosannn..ahaha..pastu nabil dtg..hahahaa...comel jek budak gemok tu..siap berlakon2 jatuh plak ha.......berpeluh die lepas aku blk dr pasar malam..hehe..
9.isnin pagi..blk kl kol 430 am..yelah konon malas nk blkk..sbb nk tgk citer tiga segi setelah dijemput penulis/director, woo ming jin kt facebook kan...kene lah tgk..okla..:D keje mcm bosan..pagi2 dh smpai opis..kol 730 am..dhla tkde passcard..seb baik pintu blakang bukak..so awal gila smpai ..dn terhapa2 dibuatnya...pg got walkthrough..the afternoon was the most tension bit of the day ..got meeting with user..seb baik tkdela byk songeh sgt...tp adalah jugak songehnya..ahaks.blk2 konon nk tido..hommiw ajak kluar makan..so okla..takpe takpe..oh...i did hv dinner of Dominos..huhuhu...gemokkkksssss plis~! ahahaha
10.oh, after a long silence..yelah, i did one "ekspresi dirimu" a while ago haha..we're cool now.oklah kan? :-?

okla..that about all what had happened to me last wk..(walaupun tk cukup byk kan..yelah..bukan ada org baca..hahahaha) but today..it was OK. :D:D

oh..silalah layan stolen by dashboard confessional..jz like the title.the song has succeeded in stolen my heart by its first hello. :x

- Dashboard Confessional Lyrics