...

sepi sendiri aku benci.

that's the way..

my love is, my dear. hehehe. i always love a poet i guess. but me, i'm no poet..eventhough how much i wanted to be..i could never express it well..more likely to spoilet..ahaha..

been listening to smashing pumpkins's zeitgest..not all..but this particular song. this song..okla..billy corgan..abang botakku~ (slain pakcik din..hehe) his unique voice is so haunting and dreamy..isn't he? ahaha..well, he is. one of those person that i'll look up to..yeah, i got many personality to look forward to, for different occasion. well, a girl got to have lotsa option open but only one to remain as numero UNO :D well, been working on that one. tough luck~!

having heard the new album, i always would remember their other works..said sadly (sad and beautifully written), stand inside your love (just breathtaking and romantically epic..just love it when billy kiss the girlfriend's feet..ah, the affection~), thirty three (jz discover this one, pure acoustic and honest), try try try (melodically lyrical) and many many more..to list down all, would take up entire days of mine. where oh where art thou, my poetic heart?

That's the way my love is
That's the way I care
You should call on me baby
I'm always there for you
Yeah, I'm always there for you

yeah, baby..if you let me, i'm always there for you. ALWAYS~

nothing much.

what i achieved this past few days..nadaa nadaa..ahaha..neither i hate or like it. i dont feel any balance at all. i pissed off at quite some things..and i love other things too.

mix of feelings being thrown and wasted..i dont want to be wasted but then..i just, was. sucks, eh~!?

however, i managed a very great nite out with the gals to gwen's concert @bkt jalil~! all that thnx to bff..muwahs..love ya babe~!

what should i do? what should i do? nothing much, i guess.

aku mau.

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku
Dan anggap ku tak ada
Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku
Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat
Semua kan terjadi
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu
Apapun terjadi
Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku
Namun kupercaya
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Aku yang rela terluka
Untuk masa lalu

KepadaMu aku berserah untuk segalanya. :) Tabahkan hatiku untuk apa jua jawaban. Kuatkan semangatku untuk semua kemungkinan. Syukurku dan sujudku untukMu Yang Maha Kuasa.

"abang mak dah takde~"

that's what my mother hv said, in the trip that seems like forever to the muslim
cemetary. I was shocked to hear that and together we cried. I held her small frame
close as i reached for her hands. She was so fragile. I was too. I can feel her
sadness. it was indescribable.

Remembering the day that I met Obek Juri last year, it was devastated as he was no
longer the uncle who used to bring me and my brother to walks, trips when I was in
Singapore. When I was small. When my speech was still tongue challenged. When I
was so excited to ride on double decker bus and fell off my seat, while singing.
haha. biasalah budak lg kan..(everybody still remembers that, you know & yeah,
that's the routine stories to be laughed about la..yeah, about me) when I was
that cute innocent little girl, which still am. ahaks.sorry la, terangkat bakul
plak..

but he is still my dearest uncle. the father to all his sisters. my mother, & my
aunties. i may not remember all his kindness, but i'm sure he will be remembered
by his grace, kindness, thoughtfulness and above all, his love.

i'm not good in eulogy..i'm sucks at it..(very true)..seeing him yesterday in the
strectcher and looking all sick and fragile, being carried home. (if you're in
s'pore, it is quite a hassle in conducting kenduri's (happy, sad and all). I cannot
tahan my sadness, and me being me..i cant get myself to kiss him..but at last, i did
manage to kiss him goodbye. he died peacefully at noon on Sunday, 29 July 2007.
of cancer.

So long, farewell. ;)

kota singa, here i come~

my singapore trip come early. instead of year end, i shall go tomorrow nite. i was told, my dear uncle is already critical. :( i'm sad, i'm glad, i'm confused, :(

whatever it is, i'm coming. whether i like it..or not.

hear, hear~

i'm married~ yippie, in development..ahaha. effective 1st July recently, i am a proud wife of mr gerard arthur way..mrs way..hehehe..funny..ehehe..okok~ only in 110 ok. yet, i'm just plain happy. ok, husband..luv ya~

on other notes, just finished love life. sad but happy. the author really developed its character and situation and it felt like i really know them and feel them. uhuk uhuks. they're so real..they feel real and close.. well, it make me aware how to cope with fear of not knowing..and cancer. i'm scared of it, no denying it..but i'm hoping the best..for me, my family..and others. to my dear obek juri, i'm sorry i ever try to avoid you. i'll come over someday..ready. he might not read this, but take care.

my work: quite sucks, but thanks to my other half..and others..we're ok. oh, not to forget, him. TQ. kerana korang semua aku masih di sini. *poyo*
my life: bosan gak la..but dengan quite golongan yang sama, aku masih OK.
bff: sgt rindu.
familia: rindula kat derang.
cinta: are there?

all three down~

yeah..jz finished the last tale from "ecstasy". so loving it~ despite the so brit accent i dont quite understand..but still the characters was nice..all the revenge..the emotion, the rage..it was all cleverly plotted and was a good read. hope to finish "trainspotting" anytime soon..ihiks. totally rad~

gonna start reading Ray Kluun's Love Life anytime soon. hopefully t'was good. a very true story about a husband losing his wife to cancer. uhuks. *sob*

"the most honest love story you'll ever read"

going postal~

no my sabtu..no my whatever in details. briefly what happen as below:

1. my sabtu: went to the curve with intention to join apostrophe but i'd passed for ikea..shopping~ blk tido and then went to my bro's family day @montkiara equestrian park. layan concert rocks (ada radja, ella dn lain2) and bla3. blk tido flat.
2.my ahad: melodi? berita hangat "hans&erra". visit my dear sis @UKM KL. agak kopak la perjalanan. blk ke klcc yg dgn tujuan sbg stesen lrt klcc jek..tp dh ke kino dan membeli belah buku. but loving it. bought kam raslan's confession of an old boy. dah abih pon..besttt~! oh ye..balik rumah..makan dinner ngan rumet kat stroberi field yg sgt byk.
3.my monday:pegi keje..pastu tk igt la plaka apa yg prominent for the day.
4.my tuesday: pegi keje..tensi..dan juge dpt call and pegi klcc..lagi~ ahaha..met up my cousins and auntie..oh, ye~ i emailed him..and seems quite OK!
5.my wednesday: half-day, tourist guide to my cousins and auntie to masjid jamek/jln lrt. bought myself kain..lagi~ nice~ feel good/happy? die bosan dulu..haha..so happy smpai petang or malam...sis came over..with intention to watch transformer..ok, pernah tk seumur hidup korang wayang cancel, last minute..dan only inform, when we're trying to get in~ so like %^&%&*%*#^#*& well i'm about to go postal..but i cant..so i just leave the task to my friends..
so dont think i'll be watching transformers. haish tp bff soh tgk gak..camne? later will think about it~
6.my thursday:nothing prominent too..tense lebih..and also silence..menyampah..what do he think i am? weks. oh, yatoque sleeps over..we hv fun alittle bit. she brought dinner for everyone. bersyukurlah walaupun leftovers. ehehe..oh, lupa..briefing by projectsPD. seems i have to strive more..you never know what would happen..uhuks..oh yea, i sat beside one mamat that i happened to have a crush with..before i know he's married. since then, he's only a colleague..tp kureng nye kenkawan, nk gak soh aku dok sebelah..weks..seb baik nothing happenned..ker ade ek? ahaha..only me and him know. >:)
7.my friday: went to work with bff..well, seems like our lucky morning, despites "friday the 13th" haha...yelah kan, since my bad luck has passed on wednesday..huhuhu..pepagi dh ke menara bekerja~ i see other side of a colleague..or more..but it was OK. he did but it was sucks. oh..bizi jugak~ and i did called mak before blk..she told me my so-called boifren lalu..as if la kan..ahaha..oh..forgot..i said goodbye. for good i hope.
8.my sabtu:pepagi kene bgn dn bekerja demi kompeni terchenta..tk dpt join another apostrophe session..huks..naseb baik tk crucial as the first go-live~ jadiknya, kol 1245 camtuh dh kembali ke rumah~ bagus..we went to seremban..me and roomie to anta tempah our baju-bajuan..pnat la haa..kitorg lukis2 design nk buat baju apa..in the end the makcik tamo terima pon lukisan kitorg.but no hal..tk kisah..and went jalan2 and makan2..menggemokkan diri yg mmg sedia gemok ni..ahahah..tk kisahlah, asalkn happy~! okla..currently dok dpan pc and ngadap blog..nk mandi and settlekan hidup~!

taking care all~ have to do something about my postal state..maybe i should be more postal to get what i really want. so goodbye to you my dearest..i really meant it.

trips to klcc.

blur blur~

“here i come” la sgt. X-( i've came..i’ve queued..i’ve joined a riot. ahaks..you know what..having queued since 730 am in the morn...at klcc..there~.morning at klcc..keje pon takde la pegi seawal tu tau. so like #^$#&&$*** okla..my dear friend yatoque who came 1 hr earlier did not manage to get the bag either..so much for limited edition. the management sucks..the campaigns' too. but what the heck~ i got the notebook. thank you dear. and you can expect "boycott anya hindmarch" campaign from me. dr tatau nama brand tu smpai la tau...mmg nk kene boikot. weks. oh, check out the pix. this gotta be the longest entry ever~ haha

the shop..nun jauh hujung sana~

see the girl with the pink bag..that's yatoque~
pakcik guard yg sungguh2 menghalau depan kedai~

xxx

on other notes..i've been like to klcc this week for three times. for the first i went to summitSAP07. it's like an event of career day and also seminar of SAP. an ERP solution widely used in the world. since my beloved company used the solution which started live this year..and also..(also la) i might be brainwashed to love it..ahaks..tipu je la..takde brainwash pon. :D so i go la..collecting freebies. ehehe..but because of i hv meeting that morning..i cant come earlier..hence dont get many freebies..and left to go alone without my buddies..ahaks..takpe la..dont mind..haish..but the one that i want to story is..as below. :D eh lupe..the first trip to klcc's was on 3rd of July 2007.

ok..the story went like this..so it goes, we buddies want to eat that break refreshment..malangnya tk la jadik..sbb nya..dah si mamat pelayan yg tego aku tu..ckp kol 230..ok la..tunggu..yelah agak lapa jugakk..tak lunch lg kn. pastunya..nani's quite hesitant and insist that we straight away go lunching. kasik kenyang perut..ehehe..tapinya mama aza pula mcm mau tunggu..ibu roni and me di atas pagar...nk dkat 230 tuh tanya la lagi..best jek mamat tu jawap kol 245. mau jek kitorg 4 org ni sepak pelangkong sama mamat tu..tp atas dasar budi bahasa yg tinggi dn juga agak lapar dan mcm malas nk layan..kami berempat pon chow dan pegi makan ke klcc yg agak jauh tuh la..dr kl convention centre tu..ah..sakit kaki i tau. :p tp cerita yg aku amazed tu bukan kt convcent. tpnya.kt tmpt kitorg lunching. nk dijdkan cerita..kami berpecah kpd 2 kump. 1st kumpulan yg lapo gila dn tk saba nk makan.iaitu aku and mama aza. *wink* dan kumpulan yg agak lapa tp nk ke guardian membeli something iaitu nani dan ibu roni. so kumpulan 1st ni pegi la beratur..oh ye..we've decided to eat at KFC. yumm yumm. tgh beratur ni, pkpk dan bincangbincang la nk makan apa kan..yelah..nk la kenyang dn juga budget2 juge..ehehe..ok..sampai lah turn aku...wah, "hello, i'm betty"..kt screen display tunjuk harga kt cash register tu kan..ugly betty..aku terdetik~ agak mencapai chacteristic gak la..but sweet...;) ok..aku order..kasik x-meal n cheesy wedges ek? ehehe..and adalah celoteh2 sket..iya lah aku kan peramah..muahaha..angkat bakul ni..ihiks...pastu aku cm tgk2 sambil auntie betty sediakan order aku..and sekilas aku terpandang tang die top-up cheese yg sgt bykk kat wedges aku..dn yg sgt heaven..aku mcm..wah cool~! bagus nye auntie ni..tdk kedekut..i love...ok..then i got my order and thanked her..and off to favaourable seat at crowded kfc. okla..perenggan lain plak..pnat baca.

Pastunya, mama aza pulak sampai kt tmpat kitorg...die pon amazed ngan layanan auntie betty yg sgt marvellous..die pon mmg dpt cheese top-up yg heaven..aku mcm dlm hati tu..haish..makcik ni mcm tau2 je kitorg ni suka cheese..ehehehe..pastu cerita2 la..dn memuji2 lagi auntie betty..sorry ye..i call her auntie bcos, she's a lil older and so nice...i'm so going to queue up on her line should i go to klcc's kfc again..ehehe and order myself cheesy wedges...there goes my story about the world greatest service provider, miss betty of kfc klcc. you go, girl~! ahaks..itu br kumpulan 1st. 2nd group ni..dh la beratur panjang...pastu lembap..nani mintak cheese top-up kt wedges die dpt seco'et je...jadik kitorg (me and ibu aza) ckp...lenkali kite carik line miss betty..sgt cool~! ahaks..there goes my 1st trip to klcc this week. balik opis..tau tak kol bape? almost 4pm. ahaha. but takpe2..dh dpt consent boss. :D

2nd trip to klcc, i met up my dearest friends yatoque..just to hang around..bitches about bitches..taklah..sembang sumbang jek~ and layan friendster,,ehehe..dan sembang2 la lagi kan..dgn minum caramel frap and java chip. uhuks. miss my coffee jelly~ i should make my own eh? Ok..the 2^nd trip was on Wednesday 4^th July. We first met up at the lrt station..and yatoque..yg lapa ajak mkn Burger King. yg sgt value for money ni..ahaha..for rm10 we’ve ate one whopper, one mango juice, chicken nugget and union ring..wow~ ok, i must admit I’ve been eating like there’s no tomorrow nowadays..uhuks..weks. but tk kisah la..uhuks..argh..what else eh? Okla..done with the eating..on with the shopping..konon la..membakar kalori sebelum tambah kalori utk dibakar lg..eheks..pegi mng, mcm bosan walaupun sale..pegi mng klcc pon bosan juge…but that red purse mcm menariks..tk beli pon..ahaha. and then zara’s quite bored too..but we did went to kino and bought myself a lanyard..dh rosak la. bila lah agaknya leh dpt coach’s ID lanyard yg sgt cool tu..uhuks. takpe2, that time would come. Then we went to that anya hindmarch boutique.(ala brand yg aku igt sgt dh tu!) to ask about the limited edition sale. I remembered how excited we were to get our hands on the bag..well, guess you know what had happened eh? so much la for the limited edition~ enough la bout it..and we go on to starbucks and have our drinks and straight away surf with my ibook and friendstering..ahaha..oh, updates~! Br dpt tau dr yatoque..bag limited edition tu ada 2700 untuk Malaysia..2000 dh kasik kat org2 media dan juga kaya dn korporat. Left about 700 for the boutique…and me quite sure, I’m among the 700 ppl..didnt get the bag. Tp utk menyedapkan hati..i told me, that’s was all duniawi~

Ok..samung2..tk abih2 lg n ink updet ni..ahaks..okla..loving my girl’s out with miss yatoque.

the third one is on Friday, 6 july 07. the day i almost got my hands on the “bag”. Haha..enuff said.

Err..actually, there was a 4^th trip. What? Four times to klcc in a week? Mmg dasar..sgt kompulsif. Okla,,pls forgive me as klcc was supposed to be a station for my trip back home to Universiti.haha

Alas, I’ve went to kinokuniya and bought meself books~! Baca jgn tk baca..dan terjadi kejadian kasta td..menyampah plak..hello..only purchase above rm100 got paperbag? Haish la..i bought almost the amount tau..kasik je la..kedekut btul kino ni..ni yg nk bukak kedai sendiri ni..haip..mende tk best jgn ceritalah kan?

Ok..then I went to the Petronas Gallery. That’s where and when I believed that I’m not what I supposed to be..ahahaha..ok, leave it to that..hv to type off..mau pigi makan and all..menggemukkan diri.

Next: my sabtu. :x

nothing happened.

i am ciknort. i'm falling..for almost 13 years. only on last february.. on the 8th, to be exact..i've make a move.after initial contemplation..after two phone calls to my two best friends..after "silence"..after "home"..after contemplate again ..after all the nervousness thrown away over the window..after 13 years..the response was ok..glad.. but, i'm not sure. i'm not sure does he feels the same way. i'm not sure. how was i to know for sure? i'm confused. it is complicated. i'd rather hear he'd say..wait..i dont really know what i'd rather hear..it's july now..we're ok ok..nothing happened..we're ok ok..we're ok?

ps: anya hindmarch, here i come~

chemical romance: 1 down, 2 to go

at last, i've have started reading Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance by Irvine Welsh. Damn funny the first tale.A Rave & Regency Romance. hahaha. Should I know the tale is damniest witty + hillarious story..i have read it sooner..but being me, such a collector~ only collect, read later. i missed some of the fun. but why oh why, Trainspotting does not captured me that well. The urgency was not there.

Cant wait for the second and the third. oh, when will my own chemical romance arrived/emerged/muncul? eh~!

you.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

--
am i vain? vain as in " excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments"? hm..dont think so. haha..all my sis, well i think, families been talking behind my back, (of course!) i did have resemblence of some Zizie Ezzete's character. can you believe that? am i that bubbly and as animatic as that? huhuhu..heck, if i was..maybe i should hv that pride thingy rite? haha..whatever la..i'm just that ordinary crazy overgrown woman as i am right now..ahaks..

it's all because of you..yeah, you~! if you're vain, i should back up now..yeah, since all the guys i like would likely out of league..yes, married..enganged/gay (whichever true)..and again..married~! i just lost hope on men. haha..wishful thinking

but really, if you are or maybe you hv someone else..i would throw in the white flag. yes, i wouldn't take what's not mine. :)

haha..so much for writing this. i should be a writer huh? or maybe i should open a bookstore? hmm..so little time for so many things..how to focus when you think you are capable of doing things simultaneously? but i do think i make a good wife..(haha..kes malas nk keje! *grin*) oh..well.got a solid 5 years to decide! think think think~! act act act~!

ok, currently in love with michael buble's husky voice in everything. so, like i love~! oh, but, i still love my dear boyfriend (despite the rumor) but deep inside..i dont mind if he's gay..muahaha. yelah, he's like something lovable but yet, not reachable..in this small world of planet Earth. :D

ok..that's about bla bla bla..now something about work..hectic! but i always managed to get a few (lotss, maybe!) laugh along the way. june and july and afterwards, my life would be as hectic and quite not rich..ehehe..but i shall maintain that richness in heart, kindness and of course, love! there's lots to contemplate..to think..to earn..so hopefully all can be done!

why cant i be 10 and start over? (haha..another wishful thinking)

gossiping with roomie just now about my childhood. the one that i dont understand and something i tend to forget..that's when we..well i mostly, found out how vain the guy is..but my empathy and good will to him for recovering. ok, enough.. but i still have this little fear of what's might come.

i hope you are not vain. you are what you seems to be..but most important. you are what you are.

ok. to work is something i failed to ignore. so come one come all, to my tragic affair. now, today..tomorrow..

16 June 2007; 1:50pm

Lahirnya Nur Faris Danial Nur Azam. At least I got the time's right. zohor..haha. He was born two days early from expected dates. ahaks..but all in all, he's well..his mom too, and that's great. Such a big boy he is. 3.1kg..cool ha? anyway..my dear..tahniah~ semoga baby Faris membesar dengan baik. muwahs.

ps: ikut hidung siapa tu? :>

what a start~

well, i'm off to work early. before 7..all eager to eat breakfast at mcD, hot cakes, in fact..but alas, not so lucky me...no hot cakes, but it's OK..i still have that shrek mania! toys..donkey and pino~ ehehe...that SIs sure jealous..muahaha...then, it really pissed me off..well, i have already planned to wear these three baju..and today, is my black kebaya and seluar..i'm all black today..and you know what? i dont deserve any kind of humiliation today..atau umpatan2 menyampah ni..i can wear anything i want whenever i want...it's not up to you or you or you...to comment on what i would wear, ok? unless, of course, i should ask for your opinion...well, you makciks can all rot..for all i care..ahahaha. selamba kutuk aku~ ok, enough said about that..cause that wont bring me down today~ :D i'm still all black and still be today..so bear it..suka atau tidak. hahaha.

then, i bought myself business news..good, i read something good 'bout my dear company. let's all the bolehness spirits rise high today~ and even my 2nd ceo looks good today..ahaks. ok, it's 8:32am..let's all of you and me of course, "membanting tulang, mencari rezeki yang halal~"

good day~!

Posto posto~

nothing's new~ still the same old me..who like that same old guy..with the unknown reason. if he can read mind, i would like mine to be read..by him, of course~ ahaha..read my mind. ahaha..

having listen to kaiser chiefs, travis and danny elfman's choc factory OST, recently..i've got so much obsession to date. oh..not to forget, my boyfriend. i heard him yesterday. whoa, it's still amaze me. how i always liked him. :x that's..my forever obsession.

1. my ringtone: willy wonka, willy wonka..the amazing chocolatier..ahahaha
2. sms ringtone: i dont love you. obses.
3.current playlist: travis - closer & my eyes.
kaiser chiefs - everything is average nowadays (so true!) & boxing champs
4. food: happy meal mcD: damn you shrek mania! ahaha
5. kain fiesta: ahaha..having bought myself china silk..and soon--> "songket tabur". my cash flow like air sungai you know? huhuhu
6. business news: wah..tumbuh bak cendawan selepas hujan. good reading tho.
7. magazines: uhuhu...tk berani nk kira berapa byk saya beli..:D
8. my bed: i love my current setting of bed..so like, i love~!
9. him: oh..semakin obses. why?

Closer.

I've had enough, of this parade.

I'm thinking of, the words to say.

We open up, unfinished parts,
Broken up, its so mellow.

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
Ill never leave you...

Just need to get closer, closer,
Lean on me now,
Lean on me now,
closer, closer,
Lean on me now,
Lean on me now.

Keep waking up, without you here.
Another day, another year.
I seek the truth, we set apart
Second base, a second chance.

And when I see you then I know it will be next to me
And when I need you then I know you will be there with me
Ill never leave you...

Just need to get closer, closer,
Lean on me now,
Lean on me now,
closer, closer,
Lean on me now,
Lean on me now.

red roses.

i bought them today..it's been since last yr (or might be 2 yrs) i guess, i havent bought any. once in a while i would love my red roses..make me happy..humm..dunno, but it does. :D

i like my red roses. and yes, i miss my friend.

p/s: i've watched pirates, and was worth it~ Captain Jack was obnoxiously and obviously funny~

ceritera~

hey..it's been a while. :D byk ni senanya citer..:D cumanya skang what i can summarize in a flash:

1. today's my first day in my new place. haha..did i like it? kenalah suka~ it's for my own good! ;) terima kasih kepd semua yg memberi semangat dan iltizam. :x love y'all!
2. gonna see my pregnant best friend...hopefully she'll make it to Universiti..yes babe! kite naik teksi je lah ye ke midveli..:x
3. byk lg nie.. tp sbb dh maghrib dan aku pon tk blk lg..dan nk mandi + solat di rumah..so later i shall flash more.

taking care all~

ps: it's been life-turning experience, quite~ i just dont know know what to expect next. better dont.

wi-fi@Ipoh

hehe. for now, that's my story~ i've been nagging my dear lil sis to bring me to town.. to experience wi-fi.. haha. the other way round, huh~ yelah, still scared to drive a car, let alone riding motorcycle to roads. ehehe. in a way, my weakness and also my win. hehe..whateva you might think.

however, here we are. two of us, under the very hot hot sun. hehe. surfing around. well, actually..my dear sis have given up and currently waiting for me to fin. tunggu tunggu ok~

ok, i've got news to tell, stories and other lotsa thing. but, wait till i got my life sorted out. ;)

alrite, have to go now..want to buy groceries..want to bake cake~ the bestest choc cake ever, actually. hehe..taking care everyone~

and dont miss me! i know you wont..:)